A marriage is the intertwining of two unique individuals to create a new being. This new being can be a two-headed monster or a two-hearted champion. I have heard that marriage is a 200% proposition where both members of the marriage must commit 100% not just 50/50. That may be a bit clichéd but the theory is accurate; those who commit only what’s available after they care for themselves are doomed to failure and those who commit to marriage without committing to the success of their partner and family are likewise doomed. The way Christ describes marriage and the love required is like this:
Men love your wife as I have loved the church:
1. I gave myself for the church; give yourself (your time and attention) for your wife
2. Love your wife as yourself; you don’t starve yourself, don’t starve her of affection
3. Present her holy and acceptable; honor her, serve her, guide her, show My love to her
Without these demonstrations of love for your wife the marriage will eventually fail. Either the wife will seek these needs out elsewhere or her spirit will slowly bitter, wither and die.
Likewise, wives are to respect and honor their husbands, not because husbands are superior in some way but because it is equal to the demonstrations of love he is commanded to perform. A man who knows that he is NOT respected in his own home cannot be the leader he is to be. A man who only bends to the will of others will not do the things required to have a successful marriage.
Christ talks about a women’s role like this:
1. Submit to your husband as the church submits; not in subservience but because you know it’s in your own best interest:
a. Christ does not need to overpower the church
b. Christ leads the church for its good, even in hard times
c. Christ is completed by the church
d. Christ gave all he had for the church
2. Respect your husband
a. Do not fail to value him
b. Do not belittle him
c. Pray for his success
d. Work for his success
All this seems well and good, we may even know the “rules” of marriage like we know the “rules of the road.” But how many of us flaunt those rules: speeding, cutting corners, disrespecting others and failing to follow the rules unless we’re being supervised. Marriage won’t last when the people involved flaunt the rules every chance they get; “if no one’s watching it didn’t happen.”
So what does it take to make a marriage a work? A DECISION.
A decision repeated day after day, hour by hour, to honor the commitment, the person and the God of each marriage. Some of us are lucky, we are actually and totally “in love” with the person we’re married to; many aren’t that lucky.
- Many are still in love with themselves, their goals, their needs and have not yet gained the necessary vision to be committed to someone or something else.
- Some cannot allow control of their life or emotions to be given to someone else.
- Some are unable to respect others because don’t respect themselves.
- Many are crippled by parents whose loves were twisted, distorted and broken.
So, that being the case, how do hurt, hurtful, broken people experience love? We must begin with a true love, God’s love. Once we can grasp the reality of God’s love, we can begin to see how love is to be experienced. We’ll never know the true extent or depth of God’s love, it’s beyond our comprehension, but we can know the strength of His love by His actions.
- 1. He was fully resolved, by His love, to restore a broken relationship.
- 2. He moved heaven and earth to show His love, in person
3. He humbled Himself
4. He accepted love
5. He opened His heart and mind to those around Him
6. He protected those He loved
7. He sacrificed Himself
8. He followed through on His promises
Once we can grasp these elements of a true love, we can begin to live them in actions.
- 1. Resolve to love, unconditionally
2. Show your love, face to face
3. Be humble and respect your spouse
4. Accept their love in return
5. Open your heart, even to pain
6. Protect and provide for those you love
7. Sacrifice yourself, your time, your success for theirs
8. Follow through on promises
This began as a request to write a love letter, instead I’ve written a letter on love. I’m not a perfect example of giving or receiving love, but I am blessed with people who love me and people I truly love. I have flawed parents who I still always believed loved me, even if they couldn’t love each other. I was blessed with a big sister who protected me even when I couldn’t or wouldn’t do the same. I, too, have wasted some of the love I received, not really understanding what it cost those who loved me as I grew up, but today I feel that God is continually showing me what love really is.
I hope this can be received as it meant, not as my direction to improve anyone but just a repackaging of what I’ve learned about God and understand about His love and how to apply it.
